Entertainment In The Human World
by moosie49
Summary: series of oneshots, basically Rukia fun, Annoying Ichigo... Rukia uncovers the mystery of pick up lines, Ichigo and Rukia eat dinner in the produce/fruit section, Ichigo thorws Rukia a birthday party!... Please review
1. Pick Up Lines

Entertainment In the Human World

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, none of the characters sigh though I wouldn't mind owning them, as wonderful as they are…

A/N: This story is dedicated to my friend Kayla for all our fun in creating the Pick Up Line Book.

Hope everyone enjoys it. )

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Rukia POV:

This is probably the millionth time I've said this, but the humans of this world do some really strange things. Oh, well. At least I can impress Ichigo with my newly acquired skill and knowledge.

Ichigo POV:

Sometimes I wonder about the direction this planet is taking. I mean a completely ridiculous and obnoxious _pick up line_? And to have an entire school day dedicated to it? I think the school has officially gone insane. I see nothing that can connect pick up lines to creative writing. Whoever is in charge of this school decided today would be pick up line day, and every time you used a pick up line you got a 1/8 point added to your lowest subjects average. Idiotic way to receive points.

Rukia is probably confuzzled. (A/N: Confuzzled is a word used by a friend who likes to manipulate the English language to suit her. Replaces confused.) Where the heck would she learn what a pick up line is?

Then it hit me.

Rukia was naïve enough to actually fall for a pick up line. Oh, crap.

Rukia POV:

Wow. These guys telling me how much they love me and how beautiful I am… Well, let's just say that Ichigo never says these nice things to me.

On the announcements this morning, the principal told us that today was "pick up line" day. As much as I enjoy the ideas of the human world, this one is pretty stupid.

So, here I sit, listening, not so attentively, to see who will make the biggest fool of themselves for a lousy 1/8 point, counting down the time until I see what the biggest fool of all, Ichigo, will do. Now was the time to plan. Do I make him jealous or blow him away with my knowledge of the human world's pick up lines? Not a hard decision to make, but we'll see how it turns out. For now, I'll sit and listen to Ishida making a fool of himself while Sado sits there chuckling at the stupidity of this day. Ishida was talking to Inoue and me.

"I put a tear into the ocean," he was saying with feeling, "and I will not stop loving you until I find that tear."

Inoue giggled and Tetsuki, in her over-protection of Inoue, punched him in the stomach. I saw Ichigo come around the corner at a hell-bent run, a determined expression on his face. Of course, by then I had made my decision on what I would do.

I pretended to swoon. Ishida looked confused at my sudden interest, so I winked and brought my eyes to Ichigo's face. I could see when comprehension dawned in his eyes, along with it came a hint of devilment. He snickered good naturedly.

I pretended to swoon until Ichigo came into hearing range.

"Ishida, I love you more than an EMO loves girl pants," I said, amazed that I could keep a straight face.

"Rukia, I love you so much that I would fight Kenpachi to the death 10 times just to cast my eyes on your beautiful face."

I risked a glance at Ichigo. He looked kind of confuzzled, and kind of angry.

So, of course, I pretended to swoon again.

As he drug me away in an angry stupor, he grumbled, "Idiots!" under his breath.

Jealousy is a very entertaining and endearing emotion in this world.


	2. Full

Full

Disclaimer: Once again, I sadly say that I own nothing, and the pain eats at me.

This one is really short. Hope you enjoy this one, because peaches are amazing.

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Rukia POV:

I haven't eaten a lot of human foods, ever. Ichigo is looking at me like I am insane. Okay, I know I want to order a lot of food, but I want to try it all. We were at a restaurant near his house, and I want it all, but Ichigo said he could only afford half of the menu.

I pouted. "But I haven't had many human foods…"

"Rukia. No. I really can't even afford two meals, let a lone half of the menu," Ichigo deadpanned.

I pouted some more.

All of a sudden Ichigo's eyes lit up and he pulled me up. "I have a better idea," he said excitedly.

The he lit out of the restaurant as if Kenpachi himself were at his heals, not just me.

When he finally stopped, he was outside a 24/7 super market with flashing neon signs.

"…"

"…"

"Um… yeah… Ichigo? Why are we here?" I asked, confuzzled.

"There is more variety here." He actually smiled.

"Ahh…" I said knowingly, though I really had no clue as to what he meant by that.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Yum! These are good. What are they?!" I asked in surprise.

"Peaches," he said, "my favorite fruit."

"Yum," I said again. "Sticky. Smooth. Gooey. They make a perfect-" - _Splat _- "weapon. Better than a water balloon!" (I had recently learned about those, thanks to Sado.)

"…"

"…"

"RUKIA!"

"Hmm?" I acknowledged, unconcerned.

"I buy you fruit, and you throw it in my eyes?"

"Yes, although I was aiming for your ear."

"Well," he growled at me, "Pick out a few more things. I am leaving."

"What? Ichigo, I'm not full yet! Ichigo? I am sorry I missed your ear, but thanks for getting me food."

At that last comment, it became too much for Ichigo, so he lobbed the peach he was eating at Rukia.

"Ungh…"

Please review Gets on knees to beg


	3. Happy Birthday Rukia

Entertainment In The Human World: Chapter Three - Happy Birthday

Disclaimer: I own not one aspect of Bleach, sad to say.

Ichigo throws Rukia a birthday party.

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Ichigo POV:

Today is Rukia's birthday. Nobody seems to know this, or if they do, they just don't care. Well, technically, it's not her real birthday, just the date of birth she assumed when she first came from the Soul Society. I don't know about everyone else, but I think the pipsqueak deserves a birthday party, even though she likes to irritate me. I know a birthday party will irritate her.

That's the reason I am standing here, telling the bakery worker that I want "Happy Birthday Pipsqueak" and a picture of a bunny on her cake.

"Come back later, 15 minutes, 20 tops," the bakery guy, his tag read 'Hello my name is… Joe' said in a commanding voice.

Apparently they had chocolate cakes with white frosting ready made… I never knew that!

I walked across the street and then a brilliant idea came to me. I HAVE to contact certain Soul Society members, I had some invitations to send out.

I ended up at Urahara Shop.

"I'll take care of it," Urahara said confidently.

"Remember, if we invite everyone, she'll be really embarrassed, but she'll thank us later."

"Yessss, yessss, now get out of my shop and get your cake, Strawberry."

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Rukia POV:

As I walked into the house I realized there was a knot of unease in my stomach. I wondered why. This usually happens right before Ichigo does something really stupid, either alone or with his friends.

"SURPRISE!" I heard as I opened the door and a few "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Rukia's," too.

I'll kill them all… them and their stupid repressed Reiatsu.

Oh, and first on my List Of People -Dead And Alive- To Kill was Ichigo himself.

I was immediately ushered over to a table covered in presents.

"Open mine first!" Cried out the voice of Yumichika.

Of course, it ended up being a picture of him with feathers glued on the frame, wrapped in Teletubbie wrapping paper. "Gee, thanks."

"Now you and Ichigo can cast your eyes upon my beautiful face anytime you want!" He said in blissful happiness.

Next came a present from Rangiku, and it was a pint of her favorite drink. "You should come get drunk with me and Izuru sometime… but I HAVE to start being more careful with these," she gestured widely to her breasts, "It wouldn't be good if I died of suffocation."

"No," I murmured, "Not good at all. Thank you for your very… personal gift," I said, trying to hold in hysterical laughter.

And so it went, present after present, until, finally, they were done. Unfortunately, I was immediately taken to the cake table against my will by a very large and very capable Sado. He may be able to put me next to the cake, but there was no way I was eating any, especially after I saw the words on it. 'Happy Birthday Pipsqueak'?? No way! He did NOT get a cake with that. Although, I found it kind of sweet that he got a picture of a bunny on there.

--

Afterwards as I sat on the couch recuperating, Ichigo came over and sat next to me.

"Thank you, Ichigo. The bunny was nice," I said softly. He put his arm around me, a rare, though sweet, occurrence.


	4. Bear

Chapter Four: Bear

Hope you enjoy it!

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Ichigo POV:

Why do I put myself through this torture? I don't know, and I'm not likely to uncover that mystery for my entire life.

"Ichigo. I want a puppy," Rukia said, flatly.

"What? I just," I complained, "bought you two bunnies last month. I'm not made of money, you know."

"And I love them," she stated, "but I also want a puppy."

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Two Days Later:

"I can't believe you suckered me into doing this," I growled.

"I want that one," she squealed, pointing to a 8 month old chocolate lab with huge, sweet looking eyes.

"Go get somebody to help us." I said, my eyes on the dog. "this dog is half mine." I stated. I was lost. This dog was mine.

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Two More Days Later:

"I want bear to meet Bayakuya," Rukia said in a no-nonsense voice.

"NO. I bought you bunnies, I feed you constantly. You never even said thank you for those bunnies, and then you expected me to buy you a dog. Why should I do more for you?" My frustrations seeped out and I immediately regretted my outburst because it earned me a swift kick in the shin.

"Fine," I gasped. "We'll go see Urahara. Maybe he'll want to go with us."

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Urahara POV:

I wouldn't miss this for the world. I doubted Bayakuya would like to see a puppy, no matter how much Rukia loved it. Their relationship has improved, but not that much, I suspected.

"Can I come, too?" Ururu asked meekly.

"Of course. Tessai?"

"This will be funny…" he chuckled at the possibilities.

"Is it so impossible," Jinta asked, "to believe he could like the dog?"

"Yes." I stated flatly.

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Ichigo POV:

We had just entered the Soul Society, and already Rukia was showing Bear off to Rangiku.

"Oh, he's adorable! Now we have somebody to watch over us, we can safely get drunk!" She giggled, and patted Bear on the head one more time before standing up.

"We should go show Toshiro!"

Rukia agreed and I was thoroughly surprised when the captain looked up from the dog with a smile that wasn't meant to be on an "ice boy" as I'd heard Yachiru refer to him as.

Next was Renji, who took his Zanpakuto to Bankai just for bear to play with. Just imagine. (A/N: I sort of thought Renji's Bankai looked like a animal toy… at least, with out all that dangerous pointy stuff, it does.)

After him was Kenpachi and Yachiru. Kenpachi immediately took to Bear, and I had to wonder if it was because Yachiru had nicknamed him (Bear) on contact. "Bee-Chan." What a coincidence. I hate bees.

After everyone we passed and**/**or searched out had met the dog, we had a very large posse going with us to Bayakuya house.

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"Please, everyone, stay for dinner," Bayakuya shouted quietly- if that's even possible- over the rising din of voices.

It was amazing. Bayakuya had taken one look at this dog and I could see he was as lost as myself and everyone else. I kind of thought Urahara looked disappointed, and SERIOUSLY surprised, more so than the rest of us. Rukia said it was my imagination.

AS I slept in my own bed that night, I was in awe with the fact that even though I got drooled and sat on by Bear, that I didn't even care.


End file.
